Messiaen in Lisbon, Birmginham and London-Debut in Poland
When I look at all the works I have played so far for cello – be it solo, with piano or with orchestra – I might be tempted to state that the cello repertoire is not that small, but if I just have a tiny little look at the piano rep I must admit that we have nothing in comparison. This year we celebrate the 100th anniversary of the great French composer Olivier Messiaen, and while the pianists are in full combat-mode (2h15 minutes of “Vingt regards” for piano solo, or the 80 min Turangalila-Symphony, which is more or less a piano concerto, just to name a few) we cellists have practically nothing. Nothing? Well, there is the heavenly beautiful “Quatuor Pour La Fin Du Temps” for piano, violin, cello and clarinet, and since my friend and piano-partner Steven Osborne is one of the top Messiaen players (well, not only top for Messiaen) I am lucky enough to have been able to play this 50-min piece a couple of times this year, among others last week in Lisbon, Birminham and London’s Wigmore Hall.
Moving - Unpacking - Playing Concerts in between....
Oy wey, I feel guilty, haven’t written in such a long time, and now I am writing without having anything specific to say. This will be probably the shortest blog ever on this page, but somehow I have to justify its existence, and since some people seem to read it, I don’t want to stop without at least trying to keep writing at least once a month. I just finished playing another Elgar performance in the very charming little city of Madison – I think it wasn’t a bad performance, but somehow I didn’t feel the closest of all connections with the audience; there was quite some coughing in the first minutes of the piece, and I guess it’s my upbringing to look for the blame in myself. I didn’t manage to engage them and draw them in with what I had to say with the music which resulted in the fact that they weren’t quite with me.What can one do if one realizes that? Start throwing some antics at them? No way, bad idea, even though it might do the trick, but I tried to just give as much intensity and emotion as I could to make the coughers be silent, and maybe I am wrong, but I think it worked later on. The orchestra did a wonderful job sticking with me and I can’t wait until tommorrow after having done some more thinking about the beginning, what to do to surprise the audience and take them with me from the start. Well, some might say, it wasn’t my fault, it was just bad atmosphere, maybe the weather was too cold and people were sick – my answer is NO! It is the performer who can create a breathless atmosphere in which nobody dares to make a noise, but it is very hard and doesn’t happen to often.
Facial Expressions during the Dvorak Concerto in Canada
Chilling out and preparing for a short night on the plane from Toronto to Munich I take the opportunity of the wireless service here in the Air Canada Lounge to write about my thoughts of my past week. I played the Dvorak with the orchestra of Kitchener/Waterloo (near Toronto) conducted by their very talented young chief conductor Edwin Outwater. I met him before in San Francisco and heard such wonderful things about him from the musicians of the SF Symphony that I decided to come to Canada for only these performances to open his 2nd season – and I didn’t regret that decision: each performance got more flexible and more profound, a real treat for a maybe over-played concerto.
Loosing 3 kilos in 6 days just by recording Prokofiev
When I arrived last night at home in Berlin after having been gone for the week, my roommate looked at me and claimed that I had lost weight. This morning after sleeping like a child for almost 9 hours I verified her claim: 3 kilos (6,6 US pounds) in 6 days – and that without sports or dieting, just pure and utter stress. What had happened?
Well, the last week I had spent in beautiful Bergen, Norway, in order to record for Hyperion two big concertos by Prokofiev, his op.58 “Concerto” and the more famous “Sinfonia Concertante”, both considered among the toughest pieces for cello; technically and physically that might be true. As usually I was very well taken care of by my favorite producer-team of all times, Andrew Keener and Simon Eadon, and the Bergen Philharmonic under their “chief” Andrew Litton was in splendid shape, but he schedule was grueling.We had so-called “Rehearse/Record” sessions, which means not an isolated day of rehearsals for these two 40 minute pieces of which the op.58 is practically unkown (I had never heard nor played it before) but we rehearsed a movement and then jumped into recording it. What I found especially brutal was the fact that the sessions happened each day from 10 am until 3 pm with two, three breaks in which Andrew Litton and me just listened to what we had recorded. After the session I went back to my dressing room to practise another two, three hours the next day’s movements.
In London at the Proms
While my little family is still sleeping in the hotelroom here in London I am taking the opportunity to do a bit of writing before the gap to my last entry is too long and I broke my promise to write at least twice a month. Normally they are never travelling with me, but since the Royal Albert Hall is one of the most amazing places to play at in the world (and one of the most scary as well – soooo big, and without amplification we feel like little dwarfs in front of far too many people) I thought it would be nice for them to see their father/husband sweat. And sweating they’ve got plenty of to see….After returning from New Zealand I really had it for a while, couldn’t stand touching the cello for a while, so I decided instead of practising and learning the Prokofiev Concerto (recording in 11 days, arghh!) I took a break of more than a weak and spend some quality time with my family who returned shortly after me from their holidays in Puerto Rico (lucky them!).
Are you afraid to perform?
Not really :) it is rather a kind of curious nervosity. It is not so much the fear of failure which gives me this tingling in the stomach area but rather the anticipation of a fun-ride like a roller coaster; you know you will arrive, but so much can happen on the way… Maybe it’s the theater blood of all my ancestors, who were singers, actors, conductors and dancers which gives me this strange love for the stage which lets me deal with all the hassle of travelling, the tristesse of being alone, the hard work of always starting at zero again, being exposed to criticism all the time, as if the self-criticism wasn’t destructive enough.
How do you deal with criticism/reviews?
Since I don’t have a teacher for the last 13 years anymore and most of the people won’t tell you the complete truth after a performance I am happy to be able to learn from reviews, bad as well as good ones.
Certainly we mustn’t take everything which is written or said about us at face value, but on the other side if I find a common tenor in several reviews I take it very serious and actually this attitude made me a better player over the years. As for many musician it is not always easy for me to accept criticism, it can hurt at times, especially because we need enough self-confidence in order to survive on stage, which can be undermined by a slating. I try to read reviews no matter if negative or positive a couple of days after a concert and then reflect about it. No, I don’t want to please everybody, rather the contrary: I try to find my own voice and play things the way I and not the possible reviewer, think they should be played; but at the same time we never know how our music arrives in the hall, and for that the music critic is a good mouthpiece.
Of what are you particulary proud?
I am happy that after 15 years of playing the cello professionally I am still able to feel the same childlike pleasure making music as I did when was allowed to play chambermusic for New Years 1979 together with my father and some of his colleagues the entire evening. I am glad that I can experience and listen to music with the same naive amazement as I did as a four-year-old in my first concert visits. I am grateful that I am lucky enough to play with wonderful musicians in beautiful halls and even get paid for it. Proud I am maybe of my discipline to not let myself go in spite of my lazy nature and not to give up whenever there is some resistence as I did constantly as a child, and that until today I am fighting against the temptation to choose the security of a „job“ (teaching or orchestra position) over the freedom of a soloist.
Teaching and playing in Madrid and Washington
Time flies, it is unbelievable - I had to get up this morning at 5:30 am in order to catch my flight back to the US at 6:50 (this is only possible in Berlin, since we have this lovely little city airport Tegel) which just has been cancelled, and it was already getting light when I was leaving my apartment at 5:50 am. Yes, it's spring, and lazy me hasn't written anything in here since a while. No, I wasn't that busy, but I took a very welcome little break, skiing with my little family in Switzerland.
Dealing With The Loss
After I wrote my last blog shortly after my mother died, I wasn't sure if so much unfiltered writing is appropriate. But as the rather impulsive person I can be, I decided to stick with what felt right in that moment. When I observe all these very touching comments to this last entry, I realize that it was maybe not appropriate, but for me extremely helpful - it really helped me to go on after this loss which probably can only be "topped" by the loss of your own child. The quintessence what people seemed to aim at and which was not obvious to me, was the fact that my mother lives on in my music.
Memorable Concert (at least for me...)
When I woke up this morning at around 7:25 am in order to practise a bit before my dress rehearsal with the Elgar Concerto here in Spokane, my first act was to turn the cellphone on. I am not a big cellphone guy, which means I also don't get much calls, since I don't answer my phone very often. I don't like the phone, turn it off as often as possible, so when I saw that there was a message I immediately checked it since I don't actually receive many calls (people learn pretty quickly that it's worthless to call and they rather send me mails). It was the message of my father telling me that my mother had managed to finally leave this world after a three-year-long struggle with ALS (Lou-Gehrig disease).
Missing Flights...
That hasn't happened to me in several years: I missed my flight. In my calendar which I am always synchronizing between the cellphone and my laptop it said that I had to catch a flight at 5:52 pm leaving Newark to Spokane via Seattle. Minutes before I had to leave the apartment at 4 pm, I checked my e-mail and found a reminder from Orbitz that my flight was leaving at 5 pm on-time from JFK. I raced with the car which was waiting in front of the building to JFK just to get completely stuck in traffic and arrive 10 minutes after the departure of the flight.
New York, New York
Actually I should be practising, but somehow since I have nothing else to do today, I am postponing the start of my urgently needed practise session until the afternoon and rather have a superlate breakfeast at Starbucks together with my favorite toy, the Macbook, looking onto Broadway and 63rd Street. The last 9 days have been rather exciting, and I am in need of a little breather.
The much-anticipated Carnegie-Hall concert went well, at least the people who attended it seemed content, and even the almighty New York Times had something nice to say. But what made me really happy was the fact that I had managed to convince myself that this was just another concert, and so I actually very much enjoyed my time on stage playing the Brahms Double and this new, very touching and melodic piece by Osvaldo Golijov. Only after the concert I found out that it was a live-radio-broadcast - good, because knowing that beforehand might have spoilt the fun...
Recharging Batteries while Sight-Seeing and Sailing
After the last concert in Italy “Poggi del Sasso“ on July 17th I could have almost locked my cello up until end of August if it wasn’t for this one concert on August 2nd at the festival in Hitzacker, where I have to play in three concerts all Bachsuites plus a Reger-Suite as part of a workshop at noon. Why did I agree to this single date in the middle of the school summer holidays?
Beautiful Cities - Berlin and London
While waiting for my manager Angela at a restaurant in London near Hyde Park I take advantage of my plane having arrived 25 minutes early (!) and write a little bit about the beauty of these two cities. Well, these past few days have been splendid all over Europe, I guess, and that helps to put everything into a nicer light, but I must admit, London with its old Victorian town houses and these many little side-streets has an enormous charme which I just experienced while walking the 15 minutes from Paddington Station to the little Italian trattoria. And if you take the cultural and the party life into account you are wondering which city could surpass this attractive beauty!?
The famous "Hole" after a big date...
Do you know this feeling of falling into some kind of hole after having finished something important? I used to have this feeling after finishing high-school, after youth-competitions, after my first concerts, and now, since concerts have become a more frequent occurrence and I can't afford to fall into holes all the time (as much as I would love to), the magic hole only opens for the most stressful events.
Easter Monday with Janos
After finishing the Reger recordings early (we were so well prepared that we got it over with in two days) I was thrilled to be able to spend an extra day home in Berlin, having a real Easter celebration with my son Janos. Sunday we just slept in for ever and ever, then afer a lush breakfast went into the park of Schloss Charlottenburg where I hid János' two little presents and some eggs. For lunch we met very dear friends from Puerto Rico at Borchardt's - Angel and Totie Collado Schwarz came to Berlin for their friend Daniel Barenboim's Mahler marathon. Interesting conversations about the future of Puerto Rico (statehood, own country, status quo) with a man who is not a politician but completely in love with his beautiful island, and who with his contacts could turn it around.
Haydn D in Monte Carlo before
I am sitting in the breakfeast room of the Mirabeau hotel, enjoying a nice croissant with a café au lait, not yet ready for Haydn...
Well, I still have 2 hours, but it is not easy for me to play at 11 in the morning, needs some mental preparation, since I like it dark outside when I have to perform :) But I am looking very much forward to this, because the conductor Walter Weller is an old friend of mine, wonderful person to be around, full of anecdotes (yesterday he told me that he met Richard Strauss when he was 6 years old) and great stories from old Vienna.
Free Time - with Reger and Sports...
Oh, this is so sad, my concert-free time between the Shostakovich No.2 in Halle on Feb 22 and the rehearsals in Amsterdam for Sinfonia Concertante which start on March 9 is almost over.
Backpain - the cellist's fate
Or at least I thought so for the longest time; since my early twenties I suffered of lower back pain, and I tried everything to get rid of it.At the beginning I tried simple back exercises in a gym, which helped a bit, but as soon as I stopped going there because I found it humiliating the pain returned. Then I tried several doctors, Yoga, Feldenkreis, also tried to ignore it, but over the years it got worse and worse.